I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have not been exerciseing like I should, but it’s not like I’m not doing anything, I did get up and dance around for a total of a half hour. It was a little at a time as I got tired too quickly. I’m just tired of haveing no energy, I know some of this is depression and I just can’t seem to kick it, the last 3 months have really been the most depressing time of my life. Well besides when my dad died, but that didn’t last 3 months, I was bad for about a week. I had school and other things to keep me occupied. I have school now, but it’s online classes that have just stressed me out. I did drop one though and that has made live a little better.

I know I need to move so I can get out and have a life and get out with people my own age. I’m 25 and don’t do anything. I would be different if I was married and had kids, I would feel lonely, right now I just feel like everyone has forgotten about or just doesn’t have time for me. The second being the biggest problem I think.

I hate to do it but I can’t even get on my other class without worring and thinking about the one I’m haveing issues in. I don’t need both grades to suffer because of one class and I don’t need to end up back in the hospital because of the other.

The problem is all of this mess, whatever it is, is effecting my ability to think, do anything and I just feel sick all of the time. I just don’t see a way out of it. I can’t find work and i have no money. If I could move things would be better. I could move closer to people who actually care. Maybe I just need to live with these weird mood issues and deal. Is this something most diabetics deal with? or is it just me?

I would love to say that this test will turn out well, frankly I would be very surpriesed if it did. I have not been doing well at all the last few months and I hate it. I’m starting to get back into it but it’s very hard with everything else I’m working on.

The point of this post is that everyone should check their paper every week, you can find some great deals, not only for a $20 off one touch coupon, but for food and other things, if you combine it with a sale item then your really doing good. As diabetics we have enough bills don’t we?

Why do I think my depression makes me fat, well it’s simple, the only time I have been able to lose weight and keep it off was when I was happy. That lasted for about 6 months, this was a time where I was far away from my family and able to do things for myself. My depression is something that I don’t even notice anymore, because I’m use to feeling horrible. Two nights ago I was with a friend of mine and I realized that the last time I was that happy was when I saw him 2 years before that. He’s the type of person that you just feel good around and he’s fun to be with.

So yesterday I had no energy because I didn’t get home the night before until 4am. This guy lives 2 hours away from me so it’s a long drive. Anyway even without energy I managed to do a few things and I was just happy. Now I didn’t change the way I ate at all and I lost 5 pounds according to the scale this morning. Not bad at all, here’s the thing, it’s not just being happy, it’s being happy enough to do what needs to be done, even if your tired, when your depressed you just don’t do it. You think why should I?

Unfortunately becoming happy is the hard part, but I’m going to try to work on that. I’m hoping to make more money so that I can see these friends I have that are far away, that and move. If your depressed like I am talk to someone, find something you like to do and make yourself do it, no matter what. I went to see this friend at 9pm. I left my house and drove 2 hours, got there at 11pm and left at 1:30am. I made myself go because I knew I needed to, I needed to be around someone who made me feel important and good about myself. That is the key to weight loss, feeling good about you and being happy

It works just like a diabetes walk would, there are many places in the country that host these events and the walk is usually about 3-5 miles. We all know that diabetics need the exercise anyway so that is not too bad. The walks are also usually held in the morning in the fall. I like that idea as it’s not too hot. I hate walking in the heat. I would though for a cause like this. It is the biggest Alzheimer’s fundraiser in the country and a very worthy cause.

So here is the question, does it work, well I’ve had a few ups and downs because of other things, but I think it might just help. Also I can deal with my chocolate cravings too! Always a good thing. Real dark chocolate is good for you in other ways too. If you have never tried Dark Chocolate over 60% your in for something different. It’s got a fruit but bitter taste that I actually like. You have to remember when you eat dark chocolate that the cocoa bean is a fruit. That way your not as shocked when you bite into it. The other good thing about this kind of chocolate, you don’t eat as much because of how sweet tasting it is.

I just don’t need the added stress, If I can work out I will if not I’m not going to think about how bad it is that I can’t. I do kinda wish there was a get rich quick thing. People say it’s affilate marketing but I haven’t made anything from that yet. Oh well. I just have to work hard so I can move and maybe lose this weight.

Hopefully I feel better tomorrow as we are not doing anything so maybe I can clean then. Yes I know it’s the 4th of July, but my sisters are working, my little brother is camping with a friend and my step dad is stuck somewhere because he can’t get a truck load to bring home. So were not doing much of anything. I will be doing homework and cleaning.