Loving Life with Diabetes

I Hate The Munchies!

I have been having a huge issue with eating things lately. I just have to eat and I don’t know why. The weird thing is it doesn’t effect my sugar as much as I thought it would, but I know if I keep doing it I’m going to have issues.

I think some of it is that I’m bored. I don’t do much except sit at the computer anymore as I take online classes and work on the computer. I also have no extra money to do anything or go anywhere. I know something needs to be done I’m just not sure what exactly. I thought maybe just getting away from the computer for a while each day would work, but no luck. There is nothing on TV and no good movies to rent. I also don’t have anything around the house to do because my mom wants to do everything so she doesn’t eat.

I’m sure I’ll figure something out. Usually during the summer I don’t have this issue, but now that my mom is older she runs the air whenever it gets close to 80 so that she’s comfortable. My body just has not adjusted to the summer part yet and I have a feeling it won’t be able to. Anyone else haveing this issue?

Diabetes and Heart Attacks

I was reading the other day about how bad it is for diabetics. We are at a huge disadvantage when it comes to having a heart attack. Pretty much we have the same chance of having a heart attack as someone who has already had one. Now I’m 25 and this thought scares me. I’m not ready to deal with all of that. The sad part, I still can’t seem to get off my butt and do much about it.

Right now I know why, I’m taking online classes and I work on the computer. If I am not sitting at it I may miss a job. So on days where in the morning I haven’t done much I find that I don’t want to move, just in case. It sucks but I can’t find other work that will pay enough for me to stop doing this. I make around 500-700 a month. Yes for me this is great money.

I’m going to keep trying to get something accomplished each day. Today I may clean and organize as I run back and forth to the computer. At least I’ll be moving right?

Diabetes is depressing

I read somewhere today that being diagnosed with diabetes is depressing. Now personally my diagnosis was not depressing I was relived to know what the hell was wrong with me. Now that it’s been just over a year I would have to say that having diabetes is depressing, but not because I have it. It’s more of having to deal with other people who don’t want to change the way they do things to help me.

My mom for instance. She was good for the first 4 months or so and then she got tired of it and informed me that I needed to deal with what she gave me to eat. Now I know I’m 25, but I do live under her roof because of financial issues, hopefully that will change soon. So right now I have to follow her rules. pretty much picture a 50’s mom who has a huge anger problem. That would be my mother.

I feel bad asking to stop for food when we are out. People look at me weird and they can’t figure out why I want to eat when I just ate a few hours ago. I also love the people who always tell me I can’t have sugar at all or I’m going to die. My aunt did this. She kept yelling at me every time I ate anything with sugar in it. Even though I was counting it in my carbs.

I guess the point of all of this is being diagnosed with diabetes is not the depressing part. It’s having to deal with the people around you who just don’t get it.

I just don’t care anymore

Right now I am just ready to throw in the towel and say F U weight loss. I’m now at 284lbs and I can’t figure out why. I’m depressed pissed and hating my life. It seems that every time I try to relax and just zone out it doesn’t work. Zoning for 2 hours or so usually makes me feel better and then I get back up. But I can’t. There is nothing on TV and now the games on my computer won’t run and I have no idea why.

I was looking forward to the NASCAR race this weekend I’m going to, but now I feel so horrible and fat that I don’t even want to go. I just don’t know what to do it seems everything is just going wrong and there is nothing I can do about it.

Writing, depression and sucky days

I know I haven’t written in a few days. Our electricity has gone out twice over the last 3 days. I also have just been feeling horrible. I’m having a lot of personal issues right now and feel like nothing is ever going to be okay again. I’ve gained weight. I’m now at 282lbs and I feel it.

I just want to be happy and it seems like every time I do something happens to screw it up. I’m just to the point where I’m giving up on ever being happy and I’m going to submerge myself in working on my blogs and other things. I think it’s time to deal with the fact that I’m diabetic and no man will ever want me because of it. I’m just not the kind of girl that gets the good guys.

I hate insurance companies

I went to the doctor last week to find out what was wrong with my stomach. I got a prescription for prolosec and was told they don’t cover it. My doctors office asked me to call and find out what was covered. My insurance then told me they have to have a list of names to figure out what is covered by my insurance.

I’m thinking they are just lazy and don’t want to look it up. I’m sorry if you work for an insurance company you should have an idea of what drugs are what. If not don’t work there! I’m not happy at this moment as I don’t have the money to buy over the counter. It’s just too much. So I guess I do nothing and at this point I’m not sure I even want to deal with any of it anymore. I’m starting to understand why people say it’s hard to be a diabetic. It wouldn’t be so bad if insurance companies were not so discriminative toward their sick clients.

They don’t know whats wrong with me!

I decided I better make a doctors appointment today because the last 2 days had been horrible. I called and got in this morning. They ran a few test and couldn’t find anything. The doctor I saw was not my normal doctor, but she works in the same office. She thinks I have acid reflux so I now am on a prescription for the next month. She still thinks I could have some other issues so I got to do more blood work. So much fun.

Hopefully it will be nothing as I have felt fine today, that would be my luck. I just now hate having to wait and see whats up. It’s very annoying. The other good news though is I found out what was wrong with my A1C test, the number went up. I was at 5.7 now I’m 6.3. I figured that might be it, I haven’t been able to eat well the last few months because of school.

Weight loss weigh in

Well today was good as I actually lost weight, unfortunately it was only one pound, so that still leaves me weighing more then what I did when I started keeping track on this blog, at least I think so.

My Weight

280lbs

I just don’t have time to do anything right now, classes are horrible still and I just don’t know what to do. I was hoping this summer would be better, but I don’t think it will be. I want to move in August so that way I can get going on some of this, but I’m still not sure I can. I’ll just have to see.

A very active weekend

No I’m not talking about this weekend. In fact the highlight of this weekend for my family is breaking into the ice cream pizza from swans and sitting around doing nothing. I’m talking about a few weeks from now when I am going to the Michigan NASCAR race. I’m excited about it, but I’m also worried. This is the first time since being diagnosed as a diabetic that I will be going to a race and I’m not exactly sure how to handle it. My sister loves to run around like crazy and do everything, my niece may slow her down though so it may not be as bad.

I’m taking my monitor with me of course and plan on checking my sugar a lot. We can take food in but I know we can’t fit enough for me to get all of my carbs for meals in the bag we can carry. I’m hoping I can find something thats not too expensive to eat in there. I think Friday will be the worst one because I have to eat both lunch and dinner inside the track. Sunday the Race should end early enough that I don’t have to, but I’ll still have to save money just in case.

If anyone reading this has any advice I would love to hear it!

Why did I do it!

I’m sitting here writing this with a pretty high blood sugar. I have not checked it as I don’t want to know how high it is. It’s not over 200 I know that much I would be sick to my stomach right now if it were. It is over 150 though as I have a huge headache. I made the mistake of opening a bag of cheesy popcorn (the healthy stuff at least) and eating the whole thing. The equivalent of a meal for me.

I now remember why I hate having a high blood sugar. Tomorrow I am picking up healthy food and I’m going to try to get back on track. Diet meals here I come! I know it’s better to make your own food but it’s also very expensive. If I get diet meals on sale they cost 2.50 each and I don’t have to worry about measuring it. It’s only for lunch anyway and I try to actually cook something twice a week so it’s good. Once I move out of my mom’s I should be able to meal plan better.

Anyway I’m tired and off to bed. Hopefully I feel better in the morning.